i think my tv is drunk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
