i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
