Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
