I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
