SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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