I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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