THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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