dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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