i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
