I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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