He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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