at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
