I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
