Say something about gay babies.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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