If i come over, it means nothing
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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