Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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