i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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