Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
