I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
