the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
