bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
