Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
