She said her name was "party"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
