fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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