homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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