ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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