do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
