it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
