At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
