you have to choose: penises or morals?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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