It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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