hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
