I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
