Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
