Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
