i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
