Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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