i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
