Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
