When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
