Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
