I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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