Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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