I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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