good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
