Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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