Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And then he peed in my hair
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