the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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