Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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