Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
