its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
