no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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