I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
