Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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