My brain says no but my pants say off.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
