i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She's JV to your varsity
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
