what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
