so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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