I want to stick my p in your. b.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
