It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
