I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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