she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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