She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
