Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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