sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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