i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
