Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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