Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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