I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
this hospital has no fireball
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
