I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
