Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
