I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
