Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
