I want to make a zoo with you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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