If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
