She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
