he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
