y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
