i already hear my dad disowning me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize