you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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